THE SIMS: A FEMININE URGE TO CREATE AND DESTROY

Sul sul! Oh feeble lay!

The ritual began thusly: thin slivers were carved from a block of Kerrygold cheddar cheese and arranged on a plate beside a smattering of crackers, pitted olives, and a small tin of mackerel. Next, a bowl was filled with crisp baby carrots, accompanied by a container of plain hummus. Of course, some form of dessert was necessary too, a sweet treat to top it all off—for this, you chose a ramekin full of chocolate-covered almonds.

Once the feast was assembled, those various conveyances were carried gingerly, tucked under arms, and balanced precariously until they, and you, reached the sofa. There, surrounded by this secret feast of ingredients, you lifted the dusty screen of your ancient MacBook Pro to its full upright and locked position. It's not your working, surfing, everyday computer—this one’s a relic, made so by planned obsolescence and the unstoppable current of technological advancement. As it turned on, blinking sleepily back to life, it opened a portal to the past.

“EA Games: challenge everything” the oddly sensual voice whispered through the speakers as The Sims 2: Super Collection began to load, flashing through credit screens, and sample gameplay. You watched absently, your face illuminated by cool blue-green light as the familiar jaunty music played, punctuated only by the occasional satisfying crunch of a hummus-slathered carrot.